I have potty trained, like, two and three-quarters kids. By which I mean that the third kid is only most of the way there, not quite 100 percent. But she's close enough that we are down to only one in diapers and that feels like a victory. And while I wouldn't call myself an expert by any means, I've learned a lot of useful things along the way.
1. Don't listen to anyone. Seriously. All I heard when Ryland was little was that boys were so much more difficult to potty-train (and slower to pick up speech and messier and more destructive and all kinds of other BS). He has challenged me in other ways through the years, but potty training him was a dream. He got it by age two-and-a-half, and he got it in under two weeks with almost no accidents. And he has never once wet the bed.
I actually recently had someone tell me, regarding Isla, that if kids aren't potty-trained by the time they're three, it's just laziness on the part of the parents. Really. To that I have to say that parents have almost nothing to do with it. I don't think Ryland's dad or I can take any of the credit for his easy ascent to the porcelain throne. We were separated at the time and things were pretty unstable, and it's a miracle that he was potty-trained at all. I will admit that after the long ordeal of training Wilder, and the fact that he still frequently gets too busy and distracted to go to the bathroom and has accidents and still wets the bed from time to time, I was not eager to go through it all again so soon. But no matter how lazy you are or want to be, a kid that is ready will make it happen. And if the kid isn't ready, or willing, for that matter, it doesn't matter how many potty-related gadgets, books, toys, and games you bring home. It's not going to happen. Although books are a nice way to introduce and encourage the idea of potty training. I'm not knocking books.
People are in such a rush to potty-train, for some reason, and feel such competition with other parents to get their kids trained younger and younger. And I don't get it! Until they get the process down 100 percent on their own, it's actually a lot more work (and quite a bit more disgusting and messy) than changing diapers. And forcing a kid to do something they aren't ready to do is only going to do long-term damage. Three and four are completely, developmentally-appropriate and normal ages for a child to potty train. Your kid could be ready at age two, or possibly even earlier, but it may be physically more difficult for them to do it all on their own without any help. I have tried to let it happen organically with Isla, and it can be frustrating, and sometimes it feels like we're never going to get there, but overall, it's been pretty stress-free.
2. Make things easy for them. Our neighbor, whose kid is a few weeks younger than Isla and also going through potty-training, told me in no uncertain terms that she refuses to let him use their bathroom by himself, for fear of him making messes or getting into mischief in there. Okay, I get it. This conversation came about because I mentioned keeping the toilet paper out of Isla's reach because she had a brief fascination with flushing entire rolls down the toilet. She also got a hold of Ryland's toothbrush and blue, sparkly gel toothpaste and used the brush to smear the paste all over the bathroom sink. Which really wasn't a huge deal or tremendously difficult to clean up. It was just a very Isla thing for her to do. Isla is and always has been my messy, mischievous child, the one we have to worry about when things get too quiet around here. But the whole point of potty training is to teach your kid a useful life skill, to use the bathroom by themselves, and to make life a little easier (in the longrun) for yourself. And I, quite frankly, have neither the time nor the interest in sitting in the bathroom waiting for a toddler to do their business. I have tried to create a world where they don't need my help (but can always ask for it). A step stool to help get on the toilet and to reach the sink to wash their hands. A faucet extender to make hand-washing easier (even better, a pump-bottle of foaming hand sanitizer). Isla worries about falling in and prefers to put a potty seat on the toilet. We use this one, because it's cushy and seems comfortable, but also for looks. I like the color and the distinctive lack of cartoon characters. These things matter in a tiny bathroom that's overloaded with kid stuff.
3. Potty training is...gross. There will be accidents. There will be pooping in underwear. There will be peeing in carseats. Your kid will smell kind of bad. This is something I have noticed with both boys and girls. No matter what your process, your kid will start to smell like an unwashed butt. Flushable toddler wipes are by no means a necessity, they are what I'd call a luxury item, but I think they provide a little deeper clean than toilet paper. You also may find it easier and more convenient to move your potty from room to room instead of spending all of your time in the bathroom waiting for action (a potty in the living room or the kitchen may sound absolutely disgusting to a novice or someone without any kids, but trust me: it's a sanity-saver). You can put an old towel under your potty to catch what the bowl doesn't, or you can take it one step further with one of these mega-absorbent dish-drying mats (you're welcome). Another "luxury" to consider is a diaper sprayer. Because kids have number two accidents and poop in your washer is no fun. Most of it will shake off into the toilet, but there are...remnants. Gross, I know.
4. Potty-training on the go can be stressful, and you may be tempted to hide out until your kid is fully-trained. I see a lot of "methods" out there that promise a potty-training miracle in three days. They all have some good, common-sense ideas to contribute to the process, but I wouldn't count on a "fad diet" approach. And even after your child gets the hang of it, there may still be accidents. Kids have to learn to control muscles they haven't had to use before in order to hold their business in for longer periods of time. A travel-sized wet bag, designed to carry wet and soiled cloth diapers, is an invaluable part of your potty-training arsenal. Or you could carry Ziploc or even plain old grocery bags (I keep a roll like this in my glove compartment), but if you want a nicer, more earth-friendly option, wet bags are the way to go. Piddle pads are also invaluable. They protect your kiddo's expensive carseat from diaper blowouts, potty-training accidents, and even after potty-training is all said and done, I think they're nice to have in the summer for wet butts coming home from the pool or the beach.
Have your kid pull their own weight. Part of the beauty of having kids out of diapers is you get to be free of diaper bags. Have your kid carry a change of clothes and maybe some just-in-case wipes and a travel-size bottle of hand sanitizer in a toddler-sized backpack. My kids love wearing backpacks, and having them carry around their own stuff is an added bonus.
Travel potties are definitely not anywhere near the top of the "necessity" list, but useful to have if you take a lot of long car trips, which we do. They are also considerably less necessary if you have a boy. No I know, anything boys can do, girls can do, but this is purely anatomical. It is much easier for a boy to pee out the side of your minivan than a girl. Also, poop. Pooping is much harder to do on the fly, no matter what equipment you have. This is one cute option, and something I'm seriously considering for Isla. Like most kids, she waits until after we've passed a rest stop and are hundreds of miles from the next closest exit to tell us she needs to go potty.
5. Things you definitely don't need: rewards. I inadvertently borrowed this idea from the Montessori method of potty-training, but it makes sense. They should be using the potty because it's what they're supposed to be doing, not to get a piece of candy. I haven't used rewards with any of my kids and while some were more difficult to train than others, they've all managed to get it without mini KitKats. I haven't really found sticker charts to be useful, either. Or the games, dolls, or toys that I got desperate enough to buy when we were working with Wilder. I'll say it again, when they're ready, they're ready. If they're not, they're not. And that's okay.
You also don't need Pull-Ups/disposable training pants. That being said, we are currently using disposable pants overnight with Isla. But I have very mixed feelings about it. They undermine the process. And she is no dummy; the aspect of potty training that we're having the most trouble with (and I know we aren't alone) is getting her to poop in the potty. She has done so a number of times and we always get excited and praise her and make a huge, hairy deal about it in hopes that she'll get in the habit of doing it. But more often than not, she saves her poop until the end of the night when we put her in her pull-up (I know, Pull-Up is actually a brand name, but it's so much easier and shorter than "disposable training pants"). It's a habit I'm trying to break and one fairly solid alternative is washable training underwear. I think Hanna Andersson makes the best ones--they're pricey, but worth it. They won't hold everything in, but they're thick enough to catch the little "oopses" when kids don't get to the potty fast enough. Changing wet bedding every night may be excruciating, but if your kid is going to the potty on their own during the day, they'll get the hang of it at night, too. Just get a good mattress protector and lots of extra sheets. One amazing, time-saving trick you can use is to layer a mattress pad, then a sheet, then another mattress pad, then another sheet. And so on. So when your kid pees through one sheet, the mattress pad will protect the second sheet so all you have to do is strip off the wet one.
All of this is based on my personal experience. I am by no means an expert, and like I said, Isla is only about 90 percent of the way there. I know she'll get all the way there before we know it. They all do, and there's no real hurry. We're hoping to put her in preschool in the fall, and the school requires kids to be toilet trained. But we've lived through enough to know that anything is possible in six or seven months. My number one piece of advice is don't stress about it!
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