Around here lately...

Isla turned seven last week and we celebrated with a birthday sleepover and have an unofficial open-ended plan to take her to see Frozen II. 

I started a seasonal job at Target that lets me off by 10:30 every day so I'm able to get kids from preschool and have pretty much my whole day ahead of me. But I start between 2 and 4 a.m. and hate going to bed early (so I usually don't), so I'm tired all. The. Time. On the other hand, employee discount. 

I officially hosted thanksgiving, with a turkey and everything. It went surprisingly well but I already have thoughts for next year (at least we remembered black olives this year). 

I randomly started thinking about how Arlo can go to kindergarten round-up in a couple of months, but how can he really when he's still just a baaaaby?? I think this is going to be my hardest one so far. 

I also found a mini photo book from when Wilder was a year or so old and thought about how easy those days seem compared to now. I feel like I am stuck in the hardest phase of life but am also scared for the days when this time is looked back on as the good old days. My kids were so young and quiet and didn't fight with each other or me and weren't sucked in by screens. No dumb video games or YouTubers in those days. Just doubling up ny babies in shopping cart seats and baby swings at the park. I didn't have to work. The school run wasn't the big budget production it is now and only one kid was old enough for school and activities. Life hadn't quite chewed us up and spit us out yet. 

I look at shiny people on Instagram who own boats and go to Disney multiple times a year (and aren't locals) and take big vacations every time their kids have a break from school. And sure, everything isn't what it seems on social media. People only show what they want you to see in those squares. But I can't even fake that kind of having one's life together. I can barely show any of our beat-up, hand-me-down furniture, hot dogs for dinner again life. The one where Arlo still doesn't have an honest-to-goodness winter coat and all of Wilder's pants are floods. The one where our second car still isn't licensed. The one where I could just barely feed my kids any other meals the week of thanksgiving because it ate up so much of our very tight budget (at least we have leftovers for days). Where we have the world's ugliest and/or most uncomfortable couches, but they were free. The one where I still fill my squares using a $40 LG phone with a shattered screen. And our living room t.v. is a tube t.v. that we can't even donate when the time comes because even the needy don't take tube televisions. And I have to cut Travis's hair with my zero years of experience and zero skills when it starts getting shaggy. And we never give each other gifts for any occasuon (partly because he's bad at it and I hate the expectation but also money). And the one where I HAVE. to work but we can't afford childcare so it's a constant struggle to figure out that balance. 

I don't know. Mostly we're happy and sometimes it feels like we're getting there. When I look back at the highlights of the past year, the parts that I want people to see, it looks like we're doing alright. And all I can hope is that that's how we always remember it, especially the kids. 

Day Four: An Update

Since my last draft of a blog post, we've moved back from North Platte, Travis was hired on at UPS, Donald Trump was elected President and became the cherry on top of the absolute shit sundae that was 2016, and I've put in three solid years in the Methodist Health System. It's like time travel to go back and read words I wrote in the first half of 2016, completely unaware of what was to come.

Today was the fourth day in a row that I remembered to take my antidepressant, the one I started two years ago when things got really, really bad. I've never been able to stick with it long enough to see if it actually does help.

Today I took my last $20 and my smallest helper to Aldi for provisions to get us by until tomorrow (Pay Day!). We have been so hilariously poor since moving back to Omaha. Or at least, maybe it will be hilarious to look back on someday. I've been getting us by on about $70ish dollars a week for groceries the past few weeks, which is no easy feat. There are seven of us! Like, get the fuck out.

I've decided to try blogging again because I think it's the right time: blogging has turned into something so bizarre and unrecognizable over the past few years. I believe that people are ready to go back to the basics. And while I'm not doing it for an audience, it's exciting to think about being part of a comeback. Old school blogging, let's do this!

I've also a) had too much on my brain to keep using Instagram captions as my only outlet and b) missed writing and feel like I'm really rusty at it.

I am in my thirties. My dirty thirties, if you're that kind of person, although my twenties were wayyy dirtier. I still do not feel like a successful adult. Does anyone? I have to really get into the right headspace, really work myself up to doing adult things sometimes. It's like going to the gym; I dread it and it's awful but once I finally push myself through it, I feel so much better.

Says the girl who keeps letting gym memberships go dormant. I really need to go to the gym.

I don't know how to properly dice an onion either.

But today I dealt with the insurance hullabaloo of the accident I got into some number of days ago and I felt like so much less of a pile of hot garage for doing so. Also worth noting, I went and got me a (third, possibly fourth) job on my regular Target rounds while the kids were at school. I start tomorrow.

I'm also really bad at conclusions. So...the end? Here's hoping I don't wait another three years to write more k