On a whim, I decided to read the most recent, random blog post from Hey Natalie Jean. Her old Nat the Fat Rat days pulled me out of a deep depression once upon a time and for a while, I lived for what she posted. She was my Mormon mommy Oprah. And funnily enough, her most recent post was about her leaving the church and creating a safe space for others who were wrestling with doing the same. She also mentioned another reader who changed her life when they told her her words helped them stop self-cutting.
And I skimmed a few archived posts and felt so wistful for the early blogging days when Instagram was barely a thing and we were all posting blurry, heavily filtered shots for basically no one.
I decided to go back. To try anyway. To barely existing on Instagram and blogging just to get out your thoughts and posting a few filtered snapshots to accompany them.
Not for nothing, Natalie Jean was the one who inspired me to have a positive attitude about motherhood, which felt like such an incredibly rare thing. And since she stopped sharing…I’ve stopped feeling the joy and let myself get bogged down in the drudgery.
Also totally unrelated I blew through the final season of Dead to Me and not without some tears. I am so sad for Christina Applegate and knowing how she suffered to bring fans this conclusion. There was also an appearance by Katy Sagal and it took me a minute to remember that she was Christina’s TV mom once upon a time. Shows like this and like Grace and Frankie give me hope that one day I’ll have a best friend again. Travis is more or less my best friend these days, but a platonic female friend who really gets me and accepts me would sure be nice. I am friendly with a lot of people but I don’t feel like I really have friends anymore…and that’s part of what had me feeling so lonely and dark lately.
I’m going to try harder. To find the joy. To appreciate what I have. I could really, really use a win…but until I get it, I can only control my own response to what goes on around me.
No comments:
Post a Comment