I don’t know how to fix being a person that overthinks things to the extent that I do. Every interaction with a human has me completely on edge, trying not to say the wrong thing, or say too much. Sometimes I just talk until someone stops me. If I don’t get a timely enough response to a text message, I immediately think “oh, I guess they hate me.” Somehow that’s the easiest scenario for me to accept?
I don’t know how to fix being a person who cares SO MUCH but is unable to accept that anyone else cares as much without hearing constant reassurance and reasons why anyone would care about me.
I don’t know how to fix being a person who doesn’t know the difference between establishing healthy boundaries and being too overly sensitive, because I’m always certain I’m doing the former but am consistently accused of the latter.
Honestly, the only person I don’t constantly worry about my place in their life is Travis, and he doesn’t know even a fraction of what goes on in my brain.
Part of me thinks technology and social media is what has ruined me, a person who runs entirely on emotions and human facial cues and the cadences of a persons speech. Part of me also thinks I might be on the spectrum and that I’d be relieved to receive that confirmation so at least I’d have an excuse for my complete inability to function as a human being.
I’m just really lonely but also being alone seems so much easier than feeling this way all of the tine
