I started a seasonal job at Target that lets me off by 10:30 every day so I'm able to get kids from preschool and have pretty much my whole day ahead of me. But I start between 2 and 4 a.m. and hate going to bed early (so I usually don't), so I'm tired all. The. Time. On the other hand, employee discount.
I officially hosted thanksgiving, with a turkey and everything. It went surprisingly well but I already have thoughts for next year (at least we remembered black olives this year).
I randomly started thinking about how Arlo can go to kindergarten round-up in a couple of months, but how can he really when he's still just a baaaaby?? I think this is going to be my hardest one so far.
I also found a mini photo book from when Wilder was a year or so old and thought about how easy those days seem compared to now. I feel like I am stuck in the hardest phase of life but am also scared for the days when this time is looked back on as the good old days. My kids were so young and quiet and didn't fight with each other or me and weren't sucked in by screens. No dumb video games or YouTubers in those days. Just doubling up ny babies in shopping cart seats and baby swings at the park. I didn't have to work. The school run wasn't the big budget production it is now and only one kid was old enough for school and activities. Life hadn't quite chewed us up and spit us out yet.
I look at shiny people on Instagram who own boats and go to Disney multiple times a year (and aren't locals) and take big vacations every time their kids have a break from school. And sure, everything isn't what it seems on social media. People only show what they want you to see in those squares. But I can't even fake that kind of having one's life together. I can barely show any of our beat-up, hand-me-down furniture, hot dogs for dinner again life. The one where Arlo still doesn't have an honest-to-goodness winter coat and all of Wilder's pants are floods. The one where our second car still isn't licensed. The one where I could just barely feed my kids any other meals the week of thanksgiving because it ate up so much of our very tight budget (at least we have leftovers for days). Where we have the world's ugliest and/or most uncomfortable couches, but they were free. The one where I still fill my squares using a $40 LG phone with a shattered screen. And our living room t.v. is a tube t.v. that we can't even donate when the time comes because even the needy don't take tube televisions. And I have to cut Travis's hair with my zero years of experience and zero skills when it starts getting shaggy. And we never give each other gifts for any occasuon (partly because he's bad at it and I hate the expectation but also money). And the one where I HAVE. to work but we can't afford childcare so it's a constant struggle to figure out that balance.
I don't know. Mostly we're happy and sometimes it feels like we're getting there. When I look back at the highlights of the past year, the parts that I want people to see, it looks like we're doing alright. And all I can hope is that that's how we always remember it, especially the kids.
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