I've been waiting for my life to look a certain way, for it to be more impressive. But the need to write things down that has been with me since I can remember, that need hasn't changed. Our life hasn't been easy or pretty this year, but it has been happening nonetheless. And I need to write it all down.
We moved out here so full of hope and promise. I was prepared for Travis to be at work all of the time. I was prepared for it, and I was used to it. After a few months of living four hours apart, I was just happy we were going to be living in the same house again.
I was not prepared for him to be out of work, and for this whole journey to feel like a complete waste and a failure. In twenty years of doing essentially the same job, my dad has never once been laid off. I guess I was expecting Trav to have a similar experience. I was also seriously hoping against hope that by now, we would be close to on our way out of here.
North Platte's charm has quickly worn off for both of us. A common saying in my family is "nice place to visit, wouldn't wanna live there." It couldn't be more true of this place.
It worries me that we don't have a steady income. That I'm not sure when the clock runs out on the great insurance. That these months living away from my first baby are piling on and I still don't know if this is the right thing to be doing. He's doing well in school, better than last year, and I still don't think it would have been right to pull him out of a school where he's doing well for an undetermined amount of time, just so he could fall behind his peers before returning back to them. But I am his mother, and I miss him. I miss being his mother.
For whatever reason, maybe because we're just insane, we still have hope. We're still a team; us against the rest of the world. I'm hoping to write here more regularly and more meaningfully.
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